feel to give up if I am over stress

hmm

I think I will only update my blog frequently when there's something sad

it's a tough night for me just now

tears can't be controlled even writing the blog now

I know I have no right to complaint

as I am the decided to stay at here myself
that's why I should follow whatever ridiculous and over tough rules and policy at here

and try to be a good listener for an hour above with my best patience

and after the lesson

more than 20 rules I can memorizes in once time

and told all the rules I had memorized to someone while the tears can't stop falling

cry silently but loudly and nonstop

thanks someone hug me tightly

and fell sweet and thanks for his "decision" at that moment

but I am strongly stop him to doing that
forced him to listen to me and stayed at here currently by hugging and pleasing him

mouth is stopping him although I wanted have a fresh air very much

but can't

at least not that moment

because it won't be good for both of us

why?

I know I love him

and so I love his families too

I don't want this matter be serious among his families because of me

but

it make me forced to make a decision in my life

I think I won't get married forever

as I have no confident to take care of a tidy home

if he's the only and last lover in my life

and
it makes me think that it's still not a right time to bring him home
may be few more years later
 until I am confident enough with his families culture

~the end~